Monthly Archives: July 2011

Every now and then I hear working moms or moms whose husbands do quite a bit of traveling make comments like, “I’m a single mom this week.” I used to say this myself when my ex would be on a 2-week road trip during his baseball career. And at the time, it certainly felt that way. We did everything! Feedings, changing diapers, disciplining, temper tantrums, school, activities, carpooling, kissing booboos, we feel like we’re mom AND dad! It’s physically and emotionally draining but it in the end it doesn’t compare to true single mom-hood. The emotional aspect is taken to a whole other level. Draining doesn’t even begin to describe it either.

You see, at the end of the day, showing up to your children’s school concert alone because “daddy is at work” is a whole lot different than when you show up as a single mom. Not only do people look at you differently but sitting there during the concert brings up all sorts of feelings you manage not to dwell on because you don’t sit for a single moment as a single mom.

I call these my “Woe is Me” moments.

This is when reality truly hits me. The “It will never be the same ever again, will it?”  I mean let’s face it, even if I remarry, I won’t have that comfortable bond that a man and a woman have when they’re with their own children. Sharing the little things about your kids personalities, watching them interact with their siblings. That is all unique.

I’m not saying blended families don’t work, they’re just different.

Last week I took my kids swimming and for a very brief moment they were all playing so nicely and getting along the way a parent always dreams they would.  I sat there  by myself and felt my eyes swell up with tears…big fat ones. Thank God I was wearing sunglasses and I just kept wishing I had someone to share that moment. Someone with that bond or direct connection to my children. I felt so alone. Especially watching other families playing with their children. Mommies AND Daddies with their babies. Then I think back in the days when I was married and wanted to share those important times with him but he never “got it”.

I know it’s important to grieve but I also know I can’t sit there too long woe-ing myself or it’ll eat me up inside and I dont have time for that.

My four babies depend on me.  I am their rock. I am someone who had lost their identity but now am found. I am  strong, confident and in charge.  Showing my children to walk the walk, to live life with character and integrity. To keep life real…not a reality show.

And that’s when I stand up, dust myself off and say “Enough Woe Is Me. It’s YAY IS ME!!

We’ve all had those days when we’re rushing home after a long day at work, you’re hungry, your family is hungry and there’s nothing prepped in the fridge. You have no idea what you’re going to eat and you impulsively call your pizza delivery place and you tell yourself, “Oh…it’ll just be my treat meal… I have to eat something anyway.”
Then you have the pizza, that wasn’t even that good, because it wasn’t a planned treat meal and you kick yourself and say “Why did I just do that?!?!”

We call this “the lazy treat meal”.

And where there’s one lazy treat meal, there are usually others sprinkled in that week.
You know exactly what I’m talking about too. When you have those weeks filled with work commitments, kids activities, changes in schedule, ie…holidays, end of school year, and perhaps you’re even frustrated with your progress at the gym? You can 99.9% of the time blame it on those “lazy cheat meals.”
This happens when we don’t plan our menus or our supermarket outings.
You see, the reason we enjoy our treat meals is because they are planned well ahead of time. They are marked on your calendar with a Gold star or black Sharpie! Perhaps its eating at your favorite restaurant or going to a cocktail party, or even an afternoon at the beach packed with your favorite goodies. Those are the treat meals we truly enjoy because we work out harder at the gym knowing we’ve got that carrot dangling at the end.

Here are a few ideas for the next time you find yourself heading for a lazy cheat.

• Keep menus in your car of places you know you can get a healthy meal that are your go-to restaurants.  I have a stack of places  where I know I can get steamed shrimp, grilled chicken and veggies or a healthy salad. If I’m on my way home from a busy day with no plan for dinner I’ll call and place an order to go and pick it up on my way home. I keep these numbers on my speed dial.

• Have easy meals that you fall back on at these times. One of my easy meals is chicken breast with black beans and brown rice – I grill up the chicken breast, microwave a package of frozen brown rice and crack open a can of black beans~done.

• It’s ok to have a shake for dinner. Especially after I teach an evening class. Dinner doesn’t have to be a big sit down, huge meal. Blend up a scoop of protein, some fruit or peanut butter and call it dinner.

Plan out your week ahead of time including your splurges. Your week should include 10% to relax and enjoy yourself just don’t waste it on a lazy treat.

I never imagined pursuing a healthier lifestyle would contribute to the demise of my marriage but it did.
When I started my journey seven years ago, my main goal was to lose some weight and get off anti-depression medications which were making me feel awful. I was ready to do whatever it took to get there.
You expect your spouse’s support in a decision like this, I don’t know if it’s genuine or if they say it because they know you’ll probably give up in a few weeks when the scale isn’t cooperating with all your hard work.
But for some of us, quitting isn’t an option. You just know you’re sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Doesn’t matter what the scale says. You know in your heart you have to change your lifestyle, not just to lose weight, but for your mental health and to set a good example for your children.
I remember that first summer after I lost 40 lbs and I was wearing a bikini on the beach, everyone complimented me on my new figure except one person. The person that mattered the most. My husband. I craved his approval but not one word was uttered. At first I dismissed it and thought, “he’ll eventually say something.” Months turned into years but it never occurred to me perhaps he was jealous.

During this time I tried everything to include him on my fitness journey.   He was a former athlete and knew what it felt like to be physically fit but once he stopped “getting paid to workout” he gave up exercise and gained 30 lbs.
I encouraged him to workout with me, go for walks, I even prepped his meals for work. But it was no use, as the saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”

This went on for years.
I tried getting him involved in my fitness shows and my Turbo Kick certifications in desperate hopes for his approval. I figured since I followed him in 49 moves helping him pursue Major League dreams, he would cheer me on with mine and give me an “Atta Girl!” I thought we were suppose to be each other’s number one cheerleader but he only guffawed at my thoughts.

It became obvious that he felt very threatened by my expanding career so I quit my dream job with Powder Blue Productions in hopes to save our disintegrating marriage.
The question soon became, “how much of me do I give up in order to appease my spouse?” The resentment grew on both sides which eventually made our marriage unsalvageable.

I was at a fitness conference last year and  attended a lecture about the growing rate of divorce in which one  spouse had changed their fitness lifestyle and the other was unsupportive. We all  laughed when we heard the synchronized nose blowing by at least 50 of us…not a dry eye by the end of that workshop.

I wondered if I could’ve done anything different to save my marriage,  but I know I couldn’t save the two of us by myself. I had suffered in  depression too long and there’s no way in hell I was ever go back there. He has to save himself and he can only do that when he’s ready. In the mean time, my priority is to stay mentally strong for me so I can be strong for my children. Period.

Ingredients:

1 scoop Whey  Peanut Butter Chocolate Protein Powder (or  Chocolate would be awesome too)

1 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 Tbsp of coconut oil (for a light tasting Coconut Fudge) or 1/2 Tbsp natural peanut butter (for a PB Fudge)

2 tsp chopped walnuts

2 Tbsp unsweetened vanilla almond milk

In a small bowl, mix together the protein powder, cocoa powder, melted coconut oil or pb (melt in microwave).  Stir until blended.  Add in almond milk and stir until combined.  Add in chopped walnuts.  Freeze until set (about 30 minutes).  Will be hard once it comes out of the freezer, but it thaws quickly.  Enjoy!

Nutrition (entire recipe)

Cals: 225  Fat: 12g  Carbs: 5.7g  Fibre: 1.8g  Sugars: 1.2g  Protein: 25.6g