Every now and then I hear working moms or moms whose husbands do quite a bit of traveling make comments like, “I’m a single mom this week.” I used to say this myself when my ex would be on a 2-week road trip during his baseball career. And at the time, it certainly felt that way. We did everything! Feedings, changing diapers, disciplining, temper tantrums, school, activities, carpooling, kissing booboos, we feel like we’re mom AND dad! It’s physically and emotionally draining but it in the end it doesn’t compare to true single mom-hood. The emotional aspect is taken to a whole other level. Draining doesn’t even begin to describe it either.
You see, at the end of the day, showing up to your children’s school concert alone because “daddy is at work” is a whole lot different than when you show up as a single mom. Not only do people look at you differently but sitting there during the concert brings up all sorts of feelings you manage not to dwell on because you don’t sit for a single moment as a single mom.
I call these my “Woe is Me” moments.
This is when reality truly hits me. The “It will never be the same ever again, will it?” I mean let’s face it, even if I remarry, I won’t have that comfortable bond that a man and a woman have when they’re with their own children. Sharing the little things about your kids personalities, watching them interact with their siblings. That is all unique.
I’m not saying blended families don’t work, they’re just different.
Last week I took my kids swimming and for a very brief moment they were all playing so nicely and getting along the way a parent always dreams they would. I sat there by myself and felt my eyes swell up with tears…big fat ones. Thank God I was wearing sunglasses and I just kept wishing I had someone to share that moment. Someone with that bond or direct connection to my children. I felt so alone. Especially watching other families playing with their children. Mommies AND Daddies with their babies. Then I think back in the days when I was married and wanted to share those important times with him but he never “got it”.
I know it’s important to grieve but I also know I can’t sit there too long woe-ing myself or it’ll eat me up inside and I dont have time for that.
My four babies depend on me. I am their rock. I am someone who had lost their identity but now am found. I am strong, confident and in charge. Showing my children to walk the walk, to live life with character and integrity. To keep life real…not a reality show.
And that’s when I stand up, dust myself off and say “Enough Woe Is Me. It’s YAY IS ME!!